it hurts more in the daytime
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
