We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
