Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
