So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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