Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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