I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
