Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
