I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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