I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
