3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
