my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
