She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
