is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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