last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
