apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
