I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
