We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
