I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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