At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
