why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
