Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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