This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
