Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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