i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
