is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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