I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
