Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
