After last night, I could never be a politician.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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