some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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