you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
