i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
