i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
