He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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