i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
