Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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