Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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