but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
