My first STD was from a foam party
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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