I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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