Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
