Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
