I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
