i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
