should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
