You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
