Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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