You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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