TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
