so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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