i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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