I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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