Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
