So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
