I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
