i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He shit in the fireplace
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
