My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
