I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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