forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
