don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
