I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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